I was in Forever 21 with MikeNYC and I spot a very attractive Asian girl looking at herself trying out new clothes in front of a mirror. I walk up to her and told her I just saw her a few seconds ago while I was right next to her and I’m eager to meet her. She was a bit surprised and taken aback, because my approach is very random. I start running my structure, directly open and compliment. The first compliment stuck but it wasn’t effective because it still wasn’t genuine enough. I then lead the conversation talking about age (I forgot how), and finally after telling me that she’s years older than I, I tell her that I actually prefer older women in most cases b/c most women at a young age tend to play a lot of games. I do this with penetrating eye contact and I could see the effect it had on her. Dominance and genuineness was planted in her head, and then I started doing more rapport. I tried to lead the interaction to do more attraction but she didn’t bite my funny story. MikeNYC comes in and says a random joke/tease, but she didn’t laugh either. I started thinking in my head what this girl laughs at b/c obviously nothing so far the seduction community recommended has worked. This has been the case with a lot of asian chicks unless you act silly.....
So I vibe a bit more in a upbeat rapport by asking her fun questions but this girl is not totally into it. I knew it was because of her comfortabiility to laugh or to open up, yet I knew I had attraction because she allowed me to be with her while waiting for her friend in the dressing room. When her friend came out, I noticed the friend had a tatoo and seems more on the adventurous/dangerous side. I’m thinking, this girl MUST laugh at least on something sarcastic if she’s hanging out with this type of girl. So, I ran Style’s best friends test routine and they giggled lightheartedly. I knew then that they had a certain sense of humor they laughed at, but unfortunately the conversation ran out of context at that point and I couldn’t do any callback humor or topic, since we didn’t really vibe in that way. I just vibed with both of them and I went for the phone number while we were on line to pay for her friend’s clothes. She didn’t give it to me, and told me she doesn’t give out her phone no. But she gave me her e-mail address anyway, and I googled it and found her pics.
I later realized, that I should’ve isolated her instead b/c 1) she wasn’t buying any clothes and 2) She may have felt conscious since I was asking for it in a line.
What I learned. I’m going to learn cold reading and some SS. TokyoPUA seems to be successful using these techniques when it comes to PU. I’m going to grab a few routines such as the three magic questions, cube, strawberry fields, and EV routines to get Asian girls in bed. I think the key to their seduction is more emotional connections (I have reasons to believe Asians are more of the emotional type than the physical type IN10SE mentioned).
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Cameron's Freedom To Exist
I've been browsing around for old posts that really made a difference in my life. This Article, The Freedom to Exist, really touched me when I first read it. I believe this is what we are really striving for when we are learning game. I'd like to recycle it back again into the community again as a reminder of what we are really here for.
The Freedom to Exist
This article will seem like just good old plain common sense. Yet, nobody in the community is really addressing it and I know it is a problem for most men.
I know it is a problem because I teach workshop/seminars a couple of times a month and I see it first hand and it’s advice that can save you a lot of time and wasted energy.
If you are beginning your journey into the community, I’ll modestly say that this is one of the most important things you’ll read.
Some of you have goals and objectives while learning this “Game.” Others just take it one day at a time.
If you are going to set objectives in this game, make sure at the very top is the freedom to exist.
Well, what the heck does that mean?
It means if you are going to set up goals for yourself, your eventual goal is to believe so strongly in yourself that you can walk up to anyone and be comfortable.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet, it is so difficult.
This is not a goal that is achieved over night. It takes time and effort and you must work towards it. I have met and winged with some of the best of the best as far as this community is concerned, and I can tell you that even a lot of those guys haven’t achieved this.
Why is this so?
Let’s backtrack a little bit. Sometime last year, my partner, Ranko AKA Shark, started to popularize the direct “I like you opener.” He was criticized and insulted to no end and
Even when it appeared that everything he was saying was accurate, his critics never acknowledged him.
The reason for this is two fold:
A. Some guys in the community are insecure to the point that they can never give credit to anyone for they think it will diminish their guru status.
B. Some guys still do not get it!
These same critics who still do not get it, refer to “Direct game” as a tool. These critics claim that “Direct is a good tool to carry.” In fact, they refer to everything as a “Tool.”
Here is what I want you to understand:
DIRECT IS NOT ABOUT THE OPENER! IT’S ABOUT A MENTALITY!
The direct style is about a state of self-belief not often found in community PUAs regardless of how much success they have achieved.
Lacking these internal belief structure, the PUA will often resort to looking at things through a different lens. He looks at everything through the frame of techniques and tactics, henceforth completely missing the point regarding the self-belief.
I recently heard an incredibly well known PUA on this board label direct as a “Frame Control” Trick. This indicates that to this person, everything is still a technique, not an organic and natural process.
To truly not give a shit and have such a strong self-image to approach anyone is not a trick. It is not a tactic.
It comes from the power of belief and it comes from a deeper place.
It takes time to get there. It helps if you realize what it is you should be focusing on.
You go in with the mentality that “I do NOT need to resort to trickery and tactics” in order to get a chick.
I am not saying that “Tools” are bad in general. There are some tools that are useful at some point.
However, to be able to just be present and a relaxed cool individual is to be able to free yourself of constantly reaching inside your bag of tools.
Even the tools are not tools. I’ll explain:
One of the things I teach to guys is the art of story telling. Now, two years ago, I probably would have thought that this is a great tool to have.
However, having the ability to tell stories in an interesting and captivating manner is not a tool.
It is forcing you to make a fundamental change in yourself. Once you learn how to tell a proper story and be interesting, you will have made a permanent change.
You are no longer reaching in your bag silently thinking to yourself, “Aha, I will pull out my tool of “Story telling” at this point in the pickup. It will be the equivalent of photon torpedoes and will weaken her deflector shields.”
No!
You just become a more interesting person who enjoys sharing a good story or two because you have internalized good story telling and now it has become second nature.
Again: This article is not about an opener, and it’s not about the words that you say when you approach a woman.
It’s about a STATE OF MIND. It is about a PARADIGM SHIFT.
It is about what Seth Parker talked about in his article “Confident Rapport.”
It is about what Woodhaven talked about in his natural game article.
It’s about a mentality to be able express oneself without pretense. You may even use some situational opener to open conversation. For the tenth time, the opener is not the point.
It’s also not about having cocky/funny as a tool.
You want to be confident and playful? Fine! Do so because you are a person who enjoys having a good time and one who enjoys teasing people. Don’t do it because it is a tool you pull out of your hidden bag.
I recall, many years ago, watching “The Lost Interview” with Bruce Lee where he talked about expressing oneself and the difficulty in doing so.
Bruce said, “It is easy to for me to put on a show and be flooded with a cocky feeling, and then feel pretty cool, or do some phony things and be blinded by it, or show you some fancy movement..... but to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, to express myself honestly......That, my friend, is very hard to do.”
I also recall not completely understanding what he was discussing the first time I heard this interview. He is very correct, however. It is easy to put on a fancy show and try to impress people, but to honestly express yourself is very difficult.
The chief goal of any self-help environment ought to be trying to get you to feel comfortable in your own skin and be at peace with yourself.
To genuinely feel and exude that is difficult.
To me, being able to express yourself without excuses is the ultimate state of alphaness.
Yet, what do you usually find in guys who are “Trying” to be alpha?
Firstly, let’s understand this: You have a lot of guys who are trying to prove that they are alpha. Well, if you are “Trying” to be it, then you really are not alpha.
I constantly run into such guys who are trying to be alpha: Their behaviors manifest themselves in two ways.
A. They act like jerks, they behave in a standoffish manner, they try to ignore people as though these people are beneath them, and they exude other similar pompous behavior.
This is obviously the behavior of an insecure person. If you are comfortable with yourself, you don’t need to mistreat someone to give yourself status. Isn’t funny to realize that in many cases overindulgence in arrogance is actually driven from insecurity?
B. They try to dominate every conversation. They must at all times be the center of attention.
This second category is really easy to notice. You can have a group of 5 guys talking and you’ll see one guy constantly cutting people off to interject his point of view and constantly striving to get attention.
If he is not interjecting to get his point in, he is drawing attention to himself through wisecracks or other juvenile behavior.
His starvation for other people’s attention becomes laughably obvious and after a while, it becomes annoying.
This also is deeply rooted in insecurity.
Thus, to be genuine and comfortable, you do not need to be a jerk, and nor do you need to be the center of attention every single minute. You can be in your space and if someone else has the floor, you can listen comfortably because you are secure in who you are.
You are not there to prove anything. You can enjoy someone else’s words because you are actually listening to that person speak, and not worrying about what you should say to garner attention back to yourself every step of the way.
Whether you consider yourself a novice in meeting women or somewhat experienced, you should always keep this ideal in mind.
Not being comfortable with who you are manifests itself in so many ways.
It will drive you to try and impress people all the time.
It will drive you to continually search for more pickup lines.
It will drive you to many times behave like a pompous jackass.
It will drive you to constantly try and bring attention to yourself.
It will drive you to impress people by whom you have sitting next to you.
It will drive you to impress by telling people what kind of a cool car you have, what celeb you met, or how much money you just made.
It will drive you to be socially frightened.
It will drive you women away from you.
Thus, making “becoming comfortable with who you are,” is one of the top priorities.
While it is not the only priority, it should be one of the top messages emphasized by gurus giving dating advice in the community.
Instead, guys are chasing their own tails trying to learn more openers, more cute lines, more patterns, more negs, more cocky/funny, more, more, more............
When is it going to end???
It ends when you realize that probably the biggest reason you are at this cross road is because you are not comfortable with who you are.
It takes a bit of an ego check to admit this, but admitting is the first step to progress.
I’ll be honest with you: I have met nearly ALL of the gurus in the community and even a lot of them are not completely comfortable in their own skin either, despite their success.
It is not an easily achieved feat, but it is what your master goal should be.
People are not comfortable with themselves and they build layers to mask that discomfort. Instead of helping peel off the layers of façade, most people in the community advise people to hide under more layers.
I meet some strange cases. I meet people from the community who have built so many false layers of “Game” on themselves that I don’t know who the fuck I am talking to. One minute, they are trying to be alpha, and the next, they are running a routine on me, and then they are trying to qualify me.
I am not a guru and I am not some super monk sitting on top of the mountain being at one with the Universe. We are all at different levels of comfort. We are at different stages in our journey.
However, I want to make sure that people are focusing on the right issues and that this focus will help them achieve their desired states.
Once again, if someone is socially awkward then it is logical that he would seek to remedy that situation. However, to crawl out of the hole of social ineptness onto the plateau of a socially savvy person is not a tool. It is about that person making fundamental changes in himself.
Similarly, becoming comfortable and being able to exist and walk through life in a manner where you feel good about yourself, and in a manner where you feel the freedom to exist and express yourself is not a tool.
It is not a tactic!
It is not a routine!
It is a paradigm shift in your thinking, beliefs, ideals, and behavior!!
It is about a strong enough self-image where you don’t feel like you must carry your invisible bag of tools at all times or you are doomed.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT EXCUSES.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXIST.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO BE.
That, my fellow community folk, is attractive.
Cameron
The Freedom to Exist
This article will seem like just good old plain common sense. Yet, nobody in the community is really addressing it and I know it is a problem for most men.
I know it is a problem because I teach workshop/seminars a couple of times a month and I see it first hand and it’s advice that can save you a lot of time and wasted energy.
If you are beginning your journey into the community, I’ll modestly say that this is one of the most important things you’ll read.
Some of you have goals and objectives while learning this “Game.” Others just take it one day at a time.
If you are going to set objectives in this game, make sure at the very top is the freedom to exist.
Well, what the heck does that mean?
It means if you are going to set up goals for yourself, your eventual goal is to believe so strongly in yourself that you can walk up to anyone and be comfortable.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet, it is so difficult.
This is not a goal that is achieved over night. It takes time and effort and you must work towards it. I have met and winged with some of the best of the best as far as this community is concerned, and I can tell you that even a lot of those guys haven’t achieved this.
Why is this so?
Let’s backtrack a little bit. Sometime last year, my partner, Ranko AKA Shark, started to popularize the direct “I like you opener.” He was criticized and insulted to no end and
Even when it appeared that everything he was saying was accurate, his critics never acknowledged him.
The reason for this is two fold:
A. Some guys in the community are insecure to the point that they can never give credit to anyone for they think it will diminish their guru status.
B. Some guys still do not get it!
These same critics who still do not get it, refer to “Direct game” as a tool. These critics claim that “Direct is a good tool to carry.” In fact, they refer to everything as a “Tool.”
Here is what I want you to understand:
DIRECT IS NOT ABOUT THE OPENER! IT’S ABOUT A MENTALITY!
The direct style is about a state of self-belief not often found in community PUAs regardless of how much success they have achieved.
Lacking these internal belief structure, the PUA will often resort to looking at things through a different lens. He looks at everything through the frame of techniques and tactics, henceforth completely missing the point regarding the self-belief.
I recently heard an incredibly well known PUA on this board label direct as a “Frame Control” Trick. This indicates that to this person, everything is still a technique, not an organic and natural process.
To truly not give a shit and have such a strong self-image to approach anyone is not a trick. It is not a tactic.
It comes from the power of belief and it comes from a deeper place.
It takes time to get there. It helps if you realize what it is you should be focusing on.
You go in with the mentality that “I do NOT need to resort to trickery and tactics” in order to get a chick.
I am not saying that “Tools” are bad in general. There are some tools that are useful at some point.
However, to be able to just be present and a relaxed cool individual is to be able to free yourself of constantly reaching inside your bag of tools.
Even the tools are not tools. I’ll explain:
One of the things I teach to guys is the art of story telling. Now, two years ago, I probably would have thought that this is a great tool to have.
However, having the ability to tell stories in an interesting and captivating manner is not a tool.
It is forcing you to make a fundamental change in yourself. Once you learn how to tell a proper story and be interesting, you will have made a permanent change.
You are no longer reaching in your bag silently thinking to yourself, “Aha, I will pull out my tool of “Story telling” at this point in the pickup. It will be the equivalent of photon torpedoes and will weaken her deflector shields.”
No!
You just become a more interesting person who enjoys sharing a good story or two because you have internalized good story telling and now it has become second nature.
Again: This article is not about an opener, and it’s not about the words that you say when you approach a woman.
It’s about a STATE OF MIND. It is about a PARADIGM SHIFT.
It is about what Seth Parker talked about in his article “Confident Rapport.”
It is about what Woodhaven talked about in his natural game article.
It’s about a mentality to be able express oneself without pretense. You may even use some situational opener to open conversation. For the tenth time, the opener is not the point.
It’s also not about having cocky/funny as a tool.
You want to be confident and playful? Fine! Do so because you are a person who enjoys having a good time and one who enjoys teasing people. Don’t do it because it is a tool you pull out of your hidden bag.
I recall, many years ago, watching “The Lost Interview” with Bruce Lee where he talked about expressing oneself and the difficulty in doing so.
Bruce said, “It is easy to for me to put on a show and be flooded with a cocky feeling, and then feel pretty cool, or do some phony things and be blinded by it, or show you some fancy movement..... but to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, to express myself honestly......That, my friend, is very hard to do.”
I also recall not completely understanding what he was discussing the first time I heard this interview. He is very correct, however. It is easy to put on a fancy show and try to impress people, but to honestly express yourself is very difficult.
The chief goal of any self-help environment ought to be trying to get you to feel comfortable in your own skin and be at peace with yourself.
To genuinely feel and exude that is difficult.
To me, being able to express yourself without excuses is the ultimate state of alphaness.
Yet, what do you usually find in guys who are “Trying” to be alpha?
Firstly, let’s understand this: You have a lot of guys who are trying to prove that they are alpha. Well, if you are “Trying” to be it, then you really are not alpha.
I constantly run into such guys who are trying to be alpha: Their behaviors manifest themselves in two ways.
A. They act like jerks, they behave in a standoffish manner, they try to ignore people as though these people are beneath them, and they exude other similar pompous behavior.
This is obviously the behavior of an insecure person. If you are comfortable with yourself, you don’t need to mistreat someone to give yourself status. Isn’t funny to realize that in many cases overindulgence in arrogance is actually driven from insecurity?
B. They try to dominate every conversation. They must at all times be the center of attention.
This second category is really easy to notice. You can have a group of 5 guys talking and you’ll see one guy constantly cutting people off to interject his point of view and constantly striving to get attention.
If he is not interjecting to get his point in, he is drawing attention to himself through wisecracks or other juvenile behavior.
His starvation for other people’s attention becomes laughably obvious and after a while, it becomes annoying.
This also is deeply rooted in insecurity.
Thus, to be genuine and comfortable, you do not need to be a jerk, and nor do you need to be the center of attention every single minute. You can be in your space and if someone else has the floor, you can listen comfortably because you are secure in who you are.
You are not there to prove anything. You can enjoy someone else’s words because you are actually listening to that person speak, and not worrying about what you should say to garner attention back to yourself every step of the way.
Whether you consider yourself a novice in meeting women or somewhat experienced, you should always keep this ideal in mind.
Not being comfortable with who you are manifests itself in so many ways.
It will drive you to try and impress people all the time.
It will drive you to continually search for more pickup lines.
It will drive you to many times behave like a pompous jackass.
It will drive you to constantly try and bring attention to yourself.
It will drive you to impress people by whom you have sitting next to you.
It will drive you to impress by telling people what kind of a cool car you have, what celeb you met, or how much money you just made.
It will drive you to be socially frightened.
It will drive you women away from you.
Thus, making “becoming comfortable with who you are,” is one of the top priorities.
While it is not the only priority, it should be one of the top messages emphasized by gurus giving dating advice in the community.
Instead, guys are chasing their own tails trying to learn more openers, more cute lines, more patterns, more negs, more cocky/funny, more, more, more............
When is it going to end???
It ends when you realize that probably the biggest reason you are at this cross road is because you are not comfortable with who you are.
It takes a bit of an ego check to admit this, but admitting is the first step to progress.
I’ll be honest with you: I have met nearly ALL of the gurus in the community and even a lot of them are not completely comfortable in their own skin either, despite their success.
It is not an easily achieved feat, but it is what your master goal should be.
People are not comfortable with themselves and they build layers to mask that discomfort. Instead of helping peel off the layers of façade, most people in the community advise people to hide under more layers.
I meet some strange cases. I meet people from the community who have built so many false layers of “Game” on themselves that I don’t know who the fuck I am talking to. One minute, they are trying to be alpha, and the next, they are running a routine on me, and then they are trying to qualify me.
I am not a guru and I am not some super monk sitting on top of the mountain being at one with the Universe. We are all at different levels of comfort. We are at different stages in our journey.
However, I want to make sure that people are focusing on the right issues and that this focus will help them achieve their desired states.
Once again, if someone is socially awkward then it is logical that he would seek to remedy that situation. However, to crawl out of the hole of social ineptness onto the plateau of a socially savvy person is not a tool. It is about that person making fundamental changes in himself.
Similarly, becoming comfortable and being able to exist and walk through life in a manner where you feel good about yourself, and in a manner where you feel the freedom to exist and express yourself is not a tool.
It is not a tactic!
It is not a routine!
It is a paradigm shift in your thinking, beliefs, ideals, and behavior!!
It is about a strong enough self-image where you don’t feel like you must carry your invisible bag of tools at all times or you are doomed.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT EXCUSES.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXIST.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO BE.
That, my fellow community folk, is attractive.
Cameron
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
A Clear Definition of "Smooth"
smooth
Pronunciation: 'smü[th]
1 : Having a surface free from irregularities, roughness, or projections
2 : free from difficulties or impediments
3 : even and uninterrupted in flow or flight
4 : excessively and often artfully suave : INGRATIATING
"The One" said in his 2005 Cliff's list presentation, "What does smooth mean? Look. Be smooth, man. Be suave. Be cool. But you can't quantify that. You can't explain that. How can you tell a guy who's not cool to be cool?"
Although he answers the question by teaching the principles of being playful, having fun, express yourself, etc, I think he only half-defined what smooth really MEANT. I believe that there are many guys in the seduction community that can consider themselves "Smooth" verbally, but I realized being smooth, or suave is not just a verbal attribute. The biggest underlying factor that will truly determine that you are smooth is Emotional Intelligence.
By the way this article is not about Touching or Escalating Smoothly, or suavely moving, this is about being smooth in a social interaction or a social setting. Usually this trait is IMPALPABLE, yet subtly noticeable.
Here are the REAL keys to being smooth:
1) Relaxed, Calm, and Poised Body Language.
2) Staying Cool and Calm even in the face of immediate distress.
3) Displaying that YOU are an Easy Person to talk to and being able to captivate and involve someone's attention.
4) Being SENSITIVE to Social energies and knowing how to amp or tone down the energy.
5) Being able to read Emotional Cues and knowing how to handle them.
6) Allowing yourself to be fully available to the person or group of people (BEING in the MOMENT), and allowing the "Flow" of the interaction to be steered and guided by you (Center of Attention).
7) Knowing what and how much energy to project.
8) Not being stuck in one emotional state of mind.
Let me Explain.
1) Relaxed, Calm, and Poised Body Language
Having a relaxed, calm body language shows you are open, easier to communicate with, and have the potential to be uneasily fazed in trying circumstances. Poised shows that are you assertive, composed, masculine, and dominant.
2) Staying Cool and Calm even in the face of immediate Distress.
Excercising emotional control in social interactions is VERY important. Social Status is partly determined based on how well you can keep yourself cool especially in threatening situations. This demonstrates leadership, masculinity, and assertiveness.
3) Displaying that YOU are an Easy Person to talk to and being able to captivate and involve someone's attention.
Imagine this. You are talking to a guy that's clearly really really mad at you and telling you his hundred reasons why he's soo pissed at you. He's not allowing you to talk and he's constantly talking about his problem with you. Or, in another situation, you know someone that can SPEAK, but speaks and doesn't captivate your interest or he's not allowing you to be more involved in the conversation. Would you consider these guys smooth at all?? I highly doubt anyone wants to be around a person that's hard to communicate with. Everyone wants to be able to demonstrate themselves to anybody and be accepted, as well as be involved in the interaction without being bored.
4) Being SENSITIVE to Social energies and knowing how to amp or tone down the energy.
Not paying too much attention to the social energy demonstrates insensitiveness. This shows that a person is out of context. For example, being too loud in a public library. It's also important to know when and how to amplify tone down the energy. Being able to do this shows leadership and effective caliberation.
5) Reading Emotional Cues and knowing how to handle them.
The ability to read emotional cues is an ETREMELY powerful skill. This is very helpful because this skill gives a good idea what current emotions a person is feeling. This helps you determine what tool to use in the interaction and what to do next. (i.e. knowing when the girl is attracted and moving to the comfort stage).
6) Allowing yourself to be fully available to the person or group of people (BEING in the MOMENT), and allowing the "Flow" of the interaction to be steered and guided by you (Center of Attention).
Being in your head too much is going to hurt your ability to be in the interaction and to lead the interaction.
7) Knowing what and how much energy to project.
In this case, it's about knowing what energy and how much energy to focus on to be in context of the topic. A good way to think about this is, imagine someone talking about a great adventure, yet he has a BORING tonality or isn't projecting adventurousness, enthusiasm, and happiness.
8) Not being stuck in one emotional state of mind.
Staying at a playful, fun state, a vulnerable state, a serious state, and not being able to transistion from one state to another will hurt your chances of projecting different sides of yourself. Being able to flexible is important especially when tuning yourself to different energies.
Becoming smooth is essentially getting into a "FLOW" state. Focusing just on verbal attributes is just not enough to become a REAL smooth operator. Verbal attributes can be developed through tons and tons of practice as well as developing and knowing topics and interest. But, essentially it boils down to having these traits/attributes within you and allowing yourself to be part of the wavelength of the interaction.
Notice that to get here, a lot of inner game issues must be resolved. To really have these characteristics of being smooth, it really must come from within and it will be externally projected automatically.
Pronunciation: 'smü[th]
1 : Having a surface free from irregularities, roughness, or projections
2 : free from difficulties or impediments
3 : even and uninterrupted in flow or flight
4 : excessively and often artfully suave : INGRATIATING
"The One" said in his 2005 Cliff's list presentation, "What does smooth mean? Look. Be smooth, man. Be suave. Be cool. But you can't quantify that. You can't explain that. How can you tell a guy who's not cool to be cool?"
Although he answers the question by teaching the principles of being playful, having fun, express yourself, etc, I think he only half-defined what smooth really MEANT. I believe that there are many guys in the seduction community that can consider themselves "Smooth" verbally, but I realized being smooth, or suave is not just a verbal attribute. The biggest underlying factor that will truly determine that you are smooth is Emotional Intelligence.
By the way this article is not about Touching or Escalating Smoothly, or suavely moving, this is about being smooth in a social interaction or a social setting. Usually this trait is IMPALPABLE, yet subtly noticeable.
Here are the REAL keys to being smooth:
1) Relaxed, Calm, and Poised Body Language.
2) Staying Cool and Calm even in the face of immediate distress.
3) Displaying that YOU are an Easy Person to talk to and being able to captivate and involve someone's attention.
4) Being SENSITIVE to Social energies and knowing how to amp or tone down the energy.
5) Being able to read Emotional Cues and knowing how to handle them.
6) Allowing yourself to be fully available to the person or group of people (BEING in the MOMENT), and allowing the "Flow" of the interaction to be steered and guided by you (Center of Attention).
7) Knowing what and how much energy to project.
8) Not being stuck in one emotional state of mind.
Let me Explain.
1) Relaxed, Calm, and Poised Body Language
Having a relaxed, calm body language shows you are open, easier to communicate with, and have the potential to be uneasily fazed in trying circumstances. Poised shows that are you assertive, composed, masculine, and dominant.
2) Staying Cool and Calm even in the face of immediate Distress.
Excercising emotional control in social interactions is VERY important. Social Status is partly determined based on how well you can keep yourself cool especially in threatening situations. This demonstrates leadership, masculinity, and assertiveness.
3) Displaying that YOU are an Easy Person to talk to and being able to captivate and involve someone's attention.
Imagine this. You are talking to a guy that's clearly really really mad at you and telling you his hundred reasons why he's soo pissed at you. He's not allowing you to talk and he's constantly talking about his problem with you. Or, in another situation, you know someone that can SPEAK, but speaks and doesn't captivate your interest or he's not allowing you to be more involved in the conversation. Would you consider these guys smooth at all?? I highly doubt anyone wants to be around a person that's hard to communicate with. Everyone wants to be able to demonstrate themselves to anybody and be accepted, as well as be involved in the interaction without being bored.
4) Being SENSITIVE to Social energies and knowing how to amp or tone down the energy.
Not paying too much attention to the social energy demonstrates insensitiveness. This shows that a person is out of context. For example, being too loud in a public library. It's also important to know when and how to amplify tone down the energy. Being able to do this shows leadership and effective caliberation.
5) Reading Emotional Cues and knowing how to handle them.
The ability to read emotional cues is an ETREMELY powerful skill. This is very helpful because this skill gives a good idea what current emotions a person is feeling. This helps you determine what tool to use in the interaction and what to do next. (i.e. knowing when the girl is attracted and moving to the comfort stage).
6) Allowing yourself to be fully available to the person or group of people (BEING in the MOMENT), and allowing the "Flow" of the interaction to be steered and guided by you (Center of Attention).
Being in your head too much is going to hurt your ability to be in the interaction and to lead the interaction.
7) Knowing what and how much energy to project.
In this case, it's about knowing what energy and how much energy to focus on to be in context of the topic. A good way to think about this is, imagine someone talking about a great adventure, yet he has a BORING tonality or isn't projecting adventurousness, enthusiasm, and happiness.
8) Not being stuck in one emotional state of mind.
Staying at a playful, fun state, a vulnerable state, a serious state, and not being able to transistion from one state to another will hurt your chances of projecting different sides of yourself. Being able to flexible is important especially when tuning yourself to different energies.
Becoming smooth is essentially getting into a "FLOW" state. Focusing just on verbal attributes is just not enough to become a REAL smooth operator. Verbal attributes can be developed through tons and tons of practice as well as developing and knowing topics and interest. But, essentially it boils down to having these traits/attributes within you and allowing yourself to be part of the wavelength of the interaction.
Notice that to get here, a lot of inner game issues must be resolved. To really have these characteristics of being smooth, it really must come from within and it will be externally projected automatically.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
How To Transform Yourself From A Follower To A Leader
I've always been fascinated about how some people are Leaders of their group, either that or how some people attracted followers towards them. I was a follower MYSELF and this question plagued me for YEARS ever since I met first natural friend who had everyone's attention on his side all the time. My friend Patrick, I first met him on 8th grade when I moved to the town I'm currently living. At that time he had a girlfriend, and a groupie of kids that was always by his side. The group would not come along together if he wasn't there and that made it really obvious to everybody that he was the leader of the group. I chatted about it with some of my friends that's part of the group privately, "no one else would come together unless he was there" and it baffled me until I found the seduction community and met Stephen.
Now I, coming from a lonely background, have always been fascinated observing these kinds of magnetism, attractiveness ever since I was child. I'm not surprised at all starting a blog talking about my experience learning the social dynamics. I've been a student of it since I was 10, because that's when I first moved here to the States and realized I had no skills at all to make friends (where I came from I was almost completely isolated due to parental issues, higher economical value, and demography). Since then I've always been a follower, sometimes fell into the wrong crowd, and was a slave to the Society's Standards.
I spoke to Stephen about this. I told him, "I've always found myself to be a follower not a leader. I never knew how to be one."
Stephen says, "Write this down and look him up. He is your new guru. John Goddard is his name."
"What's so special about this guy?"
"John Goddard wrote at the age of 15 a list of 127 goals he wanted to achieve in his lifetime. He went for it 100% and lived his life PASSIONATELY AND to it's FULLEST. Did you think he had any boring conversations? NO! He did what he wanted to do and he attracted people that had similar goals/values. That's what you need to do. Go home, sit down, and write 127 goals you've always wanted to accomplish and the minute you finish, DO IT. GO for it 100% and you will attract people with the same goals, same values as you do."
So I started thinking how does this apply to Patrick? Other than him being very genuine and authentic, playful, trustworthy, and very relaxed and cool (like Stephen), he knew what he wanted. He was good at basketball, and most of the time I've played with him, he was the one that was ALWAYS consistent and ALWAYS worked hard in the game. He also always knew where to go and where to hang out, he knew every ice cream flavor he wanted, he had a taste in music, and he knew what wanted to do and went for it most of the time.
Essentially, HE KNEW what he wanted, he developed lots and lots of Interesting Activities, and people that didn't really know what to do, don't have that many interests, or have interests but never really went for it were attracted to him. He was also good at making solid connections, which made people trust him much more and thus MAGNETIZING everyone people with similar interests towards him.
This is great because this is exactly what CEIC is all about, developing yourself to the Kind of Man that represents himself with POWER and INTEGRITY. I was glad to have met a friend with this presence and am able to relate it to my audience.
I was glad to be able to discover the VERY secret of becoming a leader, and I would've still been lost until Stephen paved the way to the right direction.
P.S.
Kudos to my friend Patrick. He's always have been the genuine guy I've known since 8th grade and has never changed.
Take a look at John Goddard's Lifelist here.
Now I, coming from a lonely background, have always been fascinated observing these kinds of magnetism, attractiveness ever since I was child. I'm not surprised at all starting a blog talking about my experience learning the social dynamics. I've been a student of it since I was 10, because that's when I first moved here to the States and realized I had no skills at all to make friends (where I came from I was almost completely isolated due to parental issues, higher economical value, and demography). Since then I've always been a follower, sometimes fell into the wrong crowd, and was a slave to the Society's Standards.
I spoke to Stephen about this. I told him, "I've always found myself to be a follower not a leader. I never knew how to be one."
Stephen says, "Write this down and look him up. He is your new guru. John Goddard is his name."
"What's so special about this guy?"
"John Goddard wrote at the age of 15 a list of 127 goals he wanted to achieve in his lifetime. He went for it 100% and lived his life PASSIONATELY AND to it's FULLEST. Did you think he had any boring conversations? NO! He did what he wanted to do and he attracted people that had similar goals/values. That's what you need to do. Go home, sit down, and write 127 goals you've always wanted to accomplish and the minute you finish, DO IT. GO for it 100% and you will attract people with the same goals, same values as you do."
So I started thinking how does this apply to Patrick? Other than him being very genuine and authentic, playful, trustworthy, and very relaxed and cool (like Stephen), he knew what he wanted. He was good at basketball, and most of the time I've played with him, he was the one that was ALWAYS consistent and ALWAYS worked hard in the game. He also always knew where to go and where to hang out, he knew every ice cream flavor he wanted, he had a taste in music, and he knew what wanted to do and went for it most of the time.
Essentially, HE KNEW what he wanted, he developed lots and lots of Interesting Activities, and people that didn't really know what to do, don't have that many interests, or have interests but never really went for it were attracted to him. He was also good at making solid connections, which made people trust him much more and thus MAGNETIZING everyone people with similar interests towards him.
This is great because this is exactly what CEIC is all about, developing yourself to the Kind of Man that represents himself with POWER and INTEGRITY. I was glad to have met a friend with this presence and am able to relate it to my audience.
I was glad to be able to discover the VERY secret of becoming a leader, and I would've still been lost until Stephen paved the way to the right direction.
P.S.
Kudos to my friend Patrick. He's always have been the genuine guy I've known since 8th grade and has never changed.
Take a look at John Goddard's Lifelist here.
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